


Detective Conan: Chatfic Edition

by Therockthatkilledcaesar



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Because that would ruin some plans, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/M, Humor, I'm gonna say the movies aren't canon here, Not Canon Compliant, do NOT let hattori and sera team up, kind of, recipe for a motorcycle crash right there, scooby doo memes, what are tags even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-14 10:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Therockthatkilledcaesar/pseuds/Therockthatkilledcaesar
Summary: Hat added heisei_holmes, smolchemist, and 1 other to group: New GroupHat changed group name to kudo's secret crewhat: so for anyone unaware of the situation kudo and i kinda got roped into a group chat with everyone we know in highschool yada yada yadahat: this may or may not cause problems in the long runsmolchemist: I don't know why I'm even surprised at this point.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I realize there are already a few chatfics already out there for the DCMK universe, but they don't seem like they planning on updating any time soon and I had my own few takes on the concept that I wanted to give a spin. I also wanted to test the waters, both for this new fandom I'm entering and this new style of fanfic that I may want to make more of in the future! We'll see how this goes, so be sure to let me know what you think about my characterization, humor, etc. in the comments!
> 
> Also, I apologize in advance for the censored curse words, I have my own reasons for this and I hope it doesn't interfere with anyone's enjoyment of the fic, sorry!

_ Yeet_kune_do  _ added  _ punchabrick, richb*tch,  _ and 3 others to group:  _ New Group _

_ Yeet_kune_do  _ changed group name to  _ high school detectives +pals _

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ whats up guys

_ heisei_holmes:  _ What is this?

_ hat:  _ hey how bout we yeet kune  _ don't _

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ nah

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ its a group chat!

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ y'all seem cool so I asked @ _ punchabrick  _ for your tags

_ punchabrick:  _ Hi guys :)

_ punchabrick:  _ Shinichi I never see you anymore and Hattori-kun and Kazuha-chan are all the way in Osaka so I thought we could keep in touch this way!

_ hat:  _ ok im sold

_ hat _ : dunno about kudo tho

_ punchabrick:  _ ??

_ punchabrick:  _ Why wouldn't he be?

_ hat:  _ uhh

_ hat:  _ he might be busy i guess?

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ you guess?

_ hat:  _ uh

_ hat:  _ sh*t

_ heisei_holmes:  _ There's no problem.

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Hattori shut up.

_ hat:  _ sorry 

_ richb*tch:  _ What's that all about

_ kazoo:  _ no clue

_ kazoo:  _ heiji's an idiot so probably something to do with that

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Impressive, how'd you know?

_ hat:  _ hey >:(

_ punchabrick:  _ Oh hi Kazuha-chan! :D

_ kazoo:  _ hi ran-chan!!

_ kazoo:  _ at least i think ur ran-chan

_ kazoo:  _ idk who anyone is

_ hat:  _ oh i think we can change our nicknames hold on

_ Hat  _ changed  _ hat _ 's name to  _ westy _

_ Hat  _ changed  _ heisei_holmes _ 's name to  _ easty _

_ Hat  _ changed  _ punchabrick _ 's name to  _ easty's girl _

_ easty's girl:  _ Hey wait

_ easty:  _ I have objections

_ westy:  _ what i thought u guys were official already?

_ easty:  _ That is not the issue here

_ westy:  _ anyway what should kazuha's name be 

_ easty's girl:  _ I don't know Hattori-kun it looks like you kind of had a pattern going there

_ westy:  _ wym

_ easty  _ changed  _ kazoo _ 's name to  _ westy's girl _

_ easty:  _ There you go.

_ westy:  _ OI HOL UP

_ westy's girl:  _ wait a minute

_ easty's girl:  _ Aww you two are cute together

_ yeet_kune_do: _ wait so then am I just

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ easty 2?

_ westy:  _ uh

_ richb*tch:  _ What about me, I'm not  _ any  _ detective's girl

_ easty:  _ I'm not sure this naming system was entirely well thought out

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ you could be  _ my _ girl

_ westy:  _ o dam

yeet_kune_do: haha jk

_ westy:  _ hmm not convinced

_ easty:  _ Let's leave the "Is Sera gay" debate for another time, Hattori.

_ richb*tch: _ Ngl if I didn't already have a boyfriend I'm not even sure I woulda said no

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ o dam

_ easty's girl: _ Oh yeah, where is Kyogoku-san anyway?

_ richb*tch:  _ lol I asked him but I'm pretty sure the most recent technology that guy's ever touched came out like a decade ago

_ easty:  _ Yeah, that sounds about right.

_ richb*tch:  _ Wait have you two even met before?

_ easty:  _ I

_ easty:  _ Heard about him from Conan.

_ easty:  _ Yeah.

_ richb*tch:  _ Ofc you did

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ i'm narrowing my eyes super hard at you rn you just can't see it

_ easty:  _ ANYWAY

_ easty:  _ Let's pick new names.

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ oh yeah!

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ we were gonna do that weren't we

_ easty:  _ Suggestions?

_ easty's girl:  _ How about just our real names?

_ westy: _ nah that's boring

_ westy:  _ let's think of something mystery-themed

_ westy's girl:  _ f*ckin nerd

_ westy:  _ rude

_ easty's girl: _ Come on, let's be nice

_ westy:  _ no

_ easty:  _ Why don't we compromise?

_ easty:  _ Let's find something that's mystery-related yet still appeals to the general public, like...

_ easty's girl:  _ Like?

_ easty:  _ Hattori, help me out here.

_ westy:  _ uhh

_ westy:  _ scooby doo

_ westy's girl:  _ seriously heiji

_ westy:  _ HE PUT ME ON THE SPOT TF DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ i like it!

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ dibs on scooby tho

_ westy:  _ f*ck no i want scooby

_ yeet_kune_do:  _ you can be freddy he's like the leader

_ westy:  _ ugh fine

_ Yeet_kune_do  _ changed  _ yeet_kune_do _ 's name to  _ scooby _

_ Scooby  _ changed _ westy _ 's name to  _ freddy _

_ easty:  _ Hmph. Pedestrian.

_ freddy:  _ oi wHAT WAS THAT KUDO

_ Easty  _ changed  _ easty _ 's name to  _ velma _

_ velma:  _ You'd have to be a fool not to realize the truly superior Scooby-Doo character.

_ freddy: ... _ velma

_ velma:  _ Yes.

_ freddy:  _ actually on second thought velma fits you perfectly

_ easty's girl:  _ There's only one person who can be Daphne here

_ Easty's girl  _ changed  _ richb*tch _ 's name to  _ daphne _

_ daphne:  _ Ok fair but

_ daphne:  _ Doesn't that leave you with Shaggy

_ easty's girl:  _ Oh shoot you're right

_ easty's girl:  _ And there's still Kazuha-chan!

_ freddy:  _ no no this works out perfectly

_ freddy:  _ see

_ freddy:  _ shaggy is too powerful to be contained in only one username

_ easty's girl:  _ Shaggy is powerful??

_ westy's girl:  _ i dunno heiji it sounds like ur reaching

_ scooby:  _ no no he's right

_ scooby:  _ we have to nerf him by splitting him in half

_ freddy:  _ and who better fit for the strongest character than you two?

_ easty's girl:  _ I don't know about that

_ easty's girl:  _ Sera-chan probably could've beaten me that one time on the bus

_ scooby:  _ it's too late im already scooby

_ scooby:  _ you have to complete the circle

_ easty's girl:  _ What does that even mean?

_ westy's girl: _ sounds spooky

_ freddy:  _ just shut up and be shaggy already

_ Scooby  _ changed  _ easty's girl _ 's name to  _ right shaggy _

_ Freddy  _ changed  _ westy's girl _ 's name to  _ left shaggy _

_ velma:  _ I have to say,

_ velma:  _ This is incredibly stupid.

_ freddy:  _ yeah kinda

_ _ _ _ _ 

_ Hat  _ added  _ heisei_holmes, smolchemist,  _ and 1 other to group:  _ New Group _

_ Hat  _ changed group name to  _ kudo's secret crew _

_ hat:  _ so for anyone unaware of the situation kudo and i kinda got roped into a group chat with everyone we know in highschool yada yada yada 

_ hat:  _ this may or may not cause problems in the long run

_ smolchemist:  _ I don't know why I'm even surprised at this point.

_ smolchemist:  _ That said, I fail to see how one

group chat should be anything but fairly innocuous provided the both of you handle yourselves and and any sensitive information you may have carefully

_ smolchemist:  _ Unless I'm given a reason to believe otherwise…?

_ hakase:  _ I have to agree. Couldn't this even become a good thing?

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Hattori slipped up within the first five minutes.

_ hat:  _ yeah and kudo didn't last much longer

_ smolchemist:  _ Why the f*ck do I decide to trust you two with anything ever

  
_ hat: _ dunno lol


	2. A Challenger Approaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kid does what kid does best.

_ daphne  _ sent a message to group:  _ high school detectives +pals _

_ daphne:  _ Hey hey guys did you hear

_ velma:  _ Hear what.

_ daphne:  _ About _ him _

_ daphne: Kid _

_ velma:  _ Ohhh yeah the heist's tonight, isn't it?

_ velma:  _ I already figured out the cipher.

_ right shaggy:  _ Ooh, so you'll come?

_ right shaggy:  _ Conan-kun and I are going with Sonoko it'll be fun!

_ velma:  _ Ah, no, sorry.

_ velma:  _ I'm sure that kid'll be more than enough to stop that guy.

_ right shaggy: _ Aww I wanted to see you though!

_ velma:  _ Sorry, sorry.

_ velma:  _ Maybe next time! 

_ scooby:  _ hmm are you sure

_ velma:  _ No I'm not sure that's why I said maybe.

_ velma:  _ Think before you speak.

_ scooby:  _ hm fine

_ scooby:  _ anyway tell me where that guy's gonna pop up this time i wanna kick his a*s

_ right shaggy:  _ Is this about last time?

_ scooby: ... _ maybe

_ right shaggy:  _ Okay fair

_ velma:  _ I'll send you the code, I'm pretty sure you can figure it out yourself

_ scooby:  _ gotcha

_ scooby:  _ see you there

_ velma:  _ No you won't.

_ scooby:  _ o sh*t u rite

_ _ _ _ _ 

_ hat  _ sent a message to group:  _ kudo's secret crew _

_ hat:  _ so @ _ heisei_holmes _ didja meet up with that detective girl yet

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Yeah but she ran off earlier as soon as soon as Kid showed up

_ hakase:  _ Oh, so you two had different deductions?

_ heisei_holmes:  _ No, I think she just prefers to pursue him more actively than I do

_ hat:  _ as opposed to?

_ smolchemist:  _ Probably camping out by his likeliest escape route and monologuing about how you figured out his trick while he traipses off unhindered into the moonlight.

_ heisei_holmes:  _ …

_ hat:  _ haha wow lame

_ smolchemist:  _ Be honest

_ smolchemist:  _ You're probably twiddling your thumbs waiting for him on a rooftop somewhere this very moment.

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Shut up.

_ hat:  _ you really are aren't you lmao

_ heisei_holmes:  _ I can knock him out any time with the tranq watch, it's not a useless endeavor.

_ smolchemist:  _ And I suppose there's a reason you haven't caught him after several repeats of this same routine

_ heisei_holmes:  _ There is.

_ heisei_holmes:  _ The reason is that he's a slick little bastard

_ heisei_holmes: _ Who can fit way more pigeons into a suit than should be humanly possible.

_ smolchemist:  _ And?

_ heisei_holmes:  _ F*ck, you really want me to say it, don't you?

_ smolchemist:  _ Yes.

_ hat:  _ confess ur sins b*tch

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Okay FINE yes, I'm probably gonna let him go after giving him a hard time

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Because a) I already figured out his trick so that's basically a win in my book

_ heisei_holmes:  _ And b) He's not really hurting anyone, is he?

_ hat:  _ didn't he tase you that one time

_ heisei_holmes:  _ It was a stun gun. There's a difference.

_ hat:  _ not much a one

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Anyway

_ hat:  _ oh you're not getting away from this conversation that easily

_ heisei_holmes:  _ Can we change the name of this chat? I'm pretty sure if Ran reads the words "kudo's secret crew" over my shoulder the word "privacy" will lose all meaning to her.

_ hat:  _ eh maybe later

_ hat:  _ it's not like she's with you right now is she?

_ heisei_holmes:  _ I mean, I guess, but I dovfhhjkm

_ hat:  _ uh

_ hat:  _ kudo?

_ Heisei_holmes  _ changed  _ heisei_holmes _ 's name to  _ not tantei-kun _

_ hat:  _ oh son of a b*tch

_ not tantei-kun:  _ heya!

_ hat:  _ this truly is the worst timeline

_ not tantei-kun:  _ aw rude! QwQ

_ hat: @smolchemist @smolchemist @smolchemist _

_ hat: @smolchemist  _ come in we need backup

_ not tantei-kun:  _ relax I won't be here for long!

_ not tantei-kun: _ Tantei-kun can have his phone back as soon as I've scrolled up enough to figure out what "kudo's secret crew" means!

_ not tantei-kun:  _ well considering you just called the little guy Kudo I think I have a few ideas! 

_ hat:  _ of ALL the people who could read that sh*t over his shoulder it had to be you didn't it

_ not tantei-kun:  _ yeah basically

_ not tantei-kun:  _ don't worry I'm great at keeping secrets!

_ hat: @smolchemist  _ come roast this guy til he leaves pls

_ not tantei-kun:  _ D:

_ smolchemist:  _ You realize you can just ban him until Kudo-kun gets his phone back, right?

_ hat:  _ oh tru

_ not tantei-kun:  _ wait wait! I have bargaining chips!

_ smolchemist:  _ Oh?

_ not tantei-kun:  _ see I'm kind of holding the phone just out of the guy's reach and he's trying really hard to get it back and it's really cute

_ not tantei-kun:  _ he's absolutely furious and I just took a selfie with him

_ hat:  _ O:

_ smolchemist:  _ Your point?

_ not tantei-kun:  _ let me stay and it's yours

_ hat:  _ deal

_ smolchemist:  _ I suppose I can't pass this up.

_ not tantei-kun:  _ pleasure doing business with you! goods incoming

_ not tantei-kun  _ sent attachment:  _ reachforthestars.jpg _

_ smolchemist:  _ I'm surprised he hasn't tranqued you already.

_ not tantei-kun:  _ oh he tried but I dodged it

_ not tantei-kun:  _ anyway save that image quickly he'll probably delete it from the chat as soon as he gets the chance

_ not tantei-kun:  _ and one last thing before I go

_ Not tantei-kun  _ added  _ kaito_kid  _ to group:  _ kudo's secret crew _

_ not tantei-kun:  _ Oh no what did he say to you guys

_ not tantei-kun:  _ B*TCH

_ not tantei-kun  _ changed  _ not tantei-kun _ 's name to  _ heisei holmes _

_ smolchemist:  _ Welcome back, Kudo-kun.

_ heisei holmes:  _ I hate you all.

_ kaito_kid:  _ uwu thanks

_ _ _ _ _

_ daphne  _ sent a message to group:  _ high school detectives +pals _

_ daphne:  _ Ok  _ @velma  _ spill it

_ daphne:  _ I have it on good authority that you are in possession of VERY important information pertaining to the contact info of a certain handsome phantom thief

_ velma:  _ Whatever you're about to say, I am  _ not  _ adding Kaito Kid to this chat.

_ velma:  _ Also, does this "good authority" by any chance go by the name of Hattori Heiji?

_ freddy:  _ ok look man she didn't give me a choice

_ right shaggy:  _ Wait, Shinichi has what?

_ daphne:  _ Ok, fine.

_ daphne:  _ At least give me his tag so I can DM him

_ velma:  _ Actually, sure.

_ daphne:  _ Wait, really?

_ velma:  _ Yeah.

_ velma:  _ It'll serve him right.

_ daphne:  _ What's that supposed to mean?

_ velma:  _ I sent the info, did you get it?

_ Daphne  _ added  _ kaito_kid  _ to group:  _ high school detectives +pals _

_ daphne:  _ HAHAHA GOTCHA B*TCH

_ velma:  _ I  _ will  _ frame you for murder

_ velma:  _ and you  _ will  _ deserve it.

_ daphne:  _ Oh calm down, how bad can the one and only Kid-Sama be?

_ kaito_kid:  _ OwO what's this?

_ kaito_kid:  _ aww _ @velma _ did you just invite me to a new group chat? I didn't know you cared

_ daphne:  _ oh

_ daphne:  _ I see now

_ velma:  _ Now, Kid, is that any way to behave in front of your fans?

_ kaito_kid:  _ oh sh*t I have fans here?

_ kaito_kid:  _ My deepest apologies, milady, I hadn't realized I was in the company of such a lovely audience.

_ daphne:  _ Too late

_ daphne:  _ Disillusioned

_ kaito_kid:  _ d*mn

_ daphne:  _ My heart is broken, my world upturned, my life is a lie

_ kaito_kid:  _ ok now you're just being dramatic

_ daphne:  _ Ok can I let you in on a secret?

_ daphne:  _ I'm always being dramatic

_ right shaggy:  _ Wait are you the real Kid?

_ kaito_kid _ : want me to prove it?

_ right shaggy:  _ Ooh with magic?

_ velma:  _ Don't

_ velma:  _ Phone magicians are lame as hell

_ velma:  _ And also magic isn't real.

_ kaito_kid:  _ you are just no fun, are you

_ velma:  _ No.

_ velma:  _ Go away.

_ kaito_kid:  _ can't you just kick me

_ velma:  _ I don't have admin permissions.

_ velma:  _ Oh and speaking of admins here

_ velma: @scooby _

_ kaito_kid: _ wait who's that

_ scooby:  _ oi who pinged me

_ scooby:  _ you woke me up 

_ velma:  _ Hey remember how Kaito Kid got away last night?

_ velma:  _ We have a very special guest here with us right now.

_ kaito_kid:  _ oh f*ck please tell me that's not who I think it is

_ scooby:  _ oh  _ ho _

_ scooby:  _ so we meet again

_ kaito_kid:  _ I immediately regret every decision I ever made

_ kaito_kid:  _ please let me live

_ scooby:  _ nah

_ kaito_kid:  _ ok so I'm just gonna escape with my life while I can please and thank you very much

_ kaito_kid:  _ gotta bounce ttyl

_ kaito_kid  _ left the chat

_ velma  _ added  _ kaito_kid  _ to group:  _ high school detectives +pals _

_ kaito_kid: @velma  _ why :''''(

_ velma:  _ You brought this upon yourself.

_ velma:  _ Now suffer.

_ kaito_kid:  _ D:


	3. Enter the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff happens, some people join in, some Heiji gets baited. You know the drill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna say this chapter takes place before the most recent Kaito Kid chapter so Heiji can be stupid, I'll probably continue to keep the content of this fic anime-only so as to avoid spoiling anyone

_ heisei holmes  _ sent a message to group:  _ kudo's secret crew _

_ heisei holmes:  _ I can't believe I'm eating a f*cking happy meal

_ heisei holmes:  _ This is the fate life has picked out for me

_ heisei holmes:  _ A destitute existence of infantile cardboard toys and entirely too many episodes of Kamen Yaiba 

_ hat:  _ HAPPY MEALS ARE GREAT WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING

_ heisei holmes:  _ You're only allowed to complain about me complaining the next time you're 3 feet tall and have to take first grade again

_ hat: @smolchemist _

_ smolchemist:  _ I'm afraid I'll have to take Hattori-kun's side on this one, Kudo-kun.

_ smolchemist:  _ While these forms can be life-threatening and extremely disadvantageous in multiple ways, a hamburger deal, however unhealthy for you, isn't one of them.

_ heisei holmes:  _ F*ck you, you LIKE happy meals

_ smolchemist:  _ Oh? A bold accusation.

_ smolchemist:  _ Does the great detective have anything to back that up? 

_ heisei holmes:  _ I am currently watching you play with the toy with my own two eyes, Haibara

_ smolchemist:  _ That could be anyone.

_ heisei holmes:  _ It's not.

_ smolchemist _ : Touché

_ smolchemist:  _ I would, on the other hand, like to propose another, equally likely explanation

_ heisei holmes:  _ And that is?

_ smolchemist:  _ You see, Kudo-kun, there's this thing called acting.

_ heisei holmes:  _ Right. The thing you never do.

_ smolchemist:  _ Unless it's important.

_ heisei holmes:  _ And this is important?

_ smolchemist:  _ Extremely.

_ hat:  _ lmao

_ smolchemist:  _ In fact, failing to play with your happy meal toy this very moment could get you and everyone you love murdered in cold blood by a mysterious criminal syndicate with no trace.

_ heisei holmes:  _ Ok now I'm 100% sure you're bullsh*tting me.

_ hat:  _ u weren't before?

_ heisei holmes:  _ Anyway what were we talking about?

_ hat:  _ u hate ur life

_ heisei holmes:  _ Oh yeah, that's right.

_ heisei holmes:  _ Ugh I just wanna be me again

_ smolchemist:  _ I'm not giving you the pill.

_ heisei holmes:  _ 1) I didn't even ask yet why are you assuming things

_ heisei holmes:  _ 2) Stop phrasing it like I'm a drug addict

_ smolchemist:  _ Aren't you?

_ heisei holmes:  _ No.

hat: 1 in 5 teenagers will experiment with paikaru

_ heisei holmes:  _ Please shut up.

_ smolchemist:  _ This is an intervention, Kudo-kun.

_ heisei holmes:  _ Oh f*ck off we're not doing this

_ hat:  _ friends don't let friends take aptx antidote

_ heisei holmes: _ YES THEY F*CKING DO

_ hat:  _ wait wait hold on

_ heisei holmes:  _ What.

_ hat  _ added  _ red_baron  _ and  _ yukiko_chan _ to group: _ kudo's secret crew _

_ heisei holmes:  _ OH F*CK OFF

_ red_baron:  _ Now, Shinichi, that's no way to speak to your father.

_ red_baron:  _ And young man, we are going to have a serious conversation about substance abuse when I get home.

_ heisei holmes:  _ I hate you all.

_ yukiko_chan:  _ omg I can't believe my little bby shin-chan would grow up and do DRUGS!!!

_ heisei holmes: _ Not you too, mom

_ yukiko_chan:  _ sorry bby

_ red_baron:  _ I just don't like the person you become when you take those things, son.

_ heisei holmes:  _ …

_ heisei holmes:  _ You mean me.

_ red_baron:  _ Hmm Yeah.

_ hat:  _ haha lmao roasted

_ heisei holmes:  _ I know I'm being baited but that doesn't mean I don't want to punch you in the throat, Hattori.

_ hat:  _ :'(

_ heisei holmes:  _ Anyway Mom and Dad what are you even doing here?

_ red_baron:  _ I think the more accurate question would be what weren't we doing here  _ before. _

_ yukiko_chan:  _ shin-chan i can't believe you would start a group chat without us!

_ heisei holmes:  _ I didn't start it, Hattori did.

_ yukiko_chan:  _ aww heiji-kun :'(

_ hat:  _ i just didn't have your usernames yet alright

_ hakase:  _ I gave them to him!

_ hat:  _ yeah thanks again doc

_ hat:  _ really needed them in here to help us bully kudo

_ hakase:  _ Well I didn't know you were going to use it for that :{

_ hat:  _ yeah anyway

_ hat:  _ welcome to the crew kudo parents!

_ red_baron:  _ The "kudo's secret" crew?

_ hat:  _ yeah got a problem

_red_baron: _Shouldn't the name be something a little more… inconspicuous?

_ heisei holmes:  _ That's what I told him.

_ hat:  _ ugh FINE we can change the name 

_ hat:  _ pick a new one

_ heisei holmes:  _ You do it.

_ hat  _ changed group name to  _ kudo's clown car _

_ hat:  _ better?

_ heisei holmes:  _ Ok fine I'm picking the the name.

_ smolchemist:  _ You should leave it because if everyone in the chat is a clown then Hattori-kun is included in his own insult.

smolchemist: Frankly, I think you're both clowns.

_ hat:  _ hey hey not everyone in the clown car has to be a clown

_ smolchemist: _ No exceptions.

_ smolchemist:  _ If anybody can be not a clown then everybody can not be a clown. 

_ heisei holmes:  _ Then we would all be a bunch of weirdos robbing some poor clown's car.

_ smolchemist:  _ Exactly.

_ smolchemist:  _ If we let anyone slip by the rules, we let everyone.

_ smolchemist:  _ Now someone help me find my bike horn.

_ hat:  _ no kudo owns the car so he's a clown

_ hat:  _ no one else that's it end of story

_ heisei holmes:  _ I think we should just change the name.

_ kaito_kid:  _ dunno i'm down for robbing some clowns

_ kaito_kid:  _ spooky little mfers deserve it

_ smolchemist:  _ Do clowns scare you? Is that your weakness?

_ kaito_kid:  _ no

_ kaito_kid:  _ actually if any y'all come to one of my heists dressed as a clown fair warning i will make fun of you

_ kaito_kid:  _ and then yeah you can prolly have the jewel back cuz i'll be laughing so hard

_ heisei holmes:  _ Oh, finally out of hiding, Kid?

_ heisei holmes:  _ I thought Sera traumatized you off the internet

_ kaito_kid:  _ but she can't find me here

_ kaito_kid:  _ can she?

_ hat:  _ i dunno man it's been looking like she might get added here soon

_ heisei holmes:  _ What? 

_ heisei holmes:  _ No she won't.

_ hat:  _ doesn't she already know who you are

_ heisei holmes: _ No

_ heisei holmes:  _ I think

_ heisei holmes:  _ At least no one's  _ told  _ her

_ hat:  _ maybe u should just get it over with and just be straight with her already

_ hat:  _ she's a detective, she'll figure it out soon enough

_ kaito_kid:  _ heh, 'be straight with her'

_ heisei holmes:  _ No and also f*ck no

_ heisei holmes:  _ I don't trust her just yet and I have a girlfriend, Kid.

_ kaito_kid:  _ right and if either of you make any move where she gets invited to this chat I will personally disguise as that girlfriend and make you do things you'll regret

_ smolchemist:  _ Ooh, spooky.

_ hat:  _ b*tch i'd see through u in a second

_ kaito_kid: _ would you?? would you really???

_ hat:  _ yes??

_ kaito_kid:  _ bc last time you seemed pretty convinced :P

_ hat:  _ wait last time??

_ hat:  _ wym

_ kaito_kid:  _ Can't tell you, it's a secret! ;)

_ heisei holmes:  _ Funny, I actually can't tell if you're bluffing or not.

_ hat:  _ B*TCH WHAT LAST TIME

_ kaito_kid:  _ ;) ;) ;) ;)

_ hat:  _ YOU SON OF A B*TCH ANSWER ME

_ heisei holmes:  _ Says he's offline

_ hat:  _ F*CK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed this chapter is a little lower quality than the first two. I was having trouble with the first part, but fortunately once I got over that slump the second half basically wrote itself. That's also why it might seem kind of aimless, because I was coming up with ideas as I was writing. As always, thank you for reading and please comment to let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Betcha can't guess which two characters are my favorites, can you?


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